I’ve been focusing lately on unhooking from trying. The endless trying, which is a distorted version of pure self effort, has a dark underbelly of expectation. As in, ” If I try hard, I deserve to (fill in the blank.)” To be truly happy, we need to get over feeling we deserve something because of our hard work, and embrace being willing to claim what we are deserving of simply because we are human beings, naturally worthy of grace. In her book, The Dance, Oriah Mountain Dreamer talks about this… I love what she’s got to say–
To dance is to move gracefully. To live our soul’s longing is to be willing to live grace-filled moments. Grace is the opportunity to be happy that we do not earn. That’s what makes it grace. But if we are old-time sink-or swimmers, if we believe that our basic nature is in need of fundamental renovation, the unearned gifts of grace make us nervous. They stir feelings of guilt and fears about potential envy; they heighten our sense of unworthiness and enmesh us in a sense of obligation to work harder at being the people we feel we should be. If we are not in some essential way a manifestation of the Divine that bestows grace, grace can feel like yet another burden.
To dance, to move gracefully, to receive the grace-filled moments every day, we have to know that we are worthy not because of our hard work or suffering or our eagerness to be other than we are; we are worthy by our very nature–the same nature that creates and sustains all that is. When we know this we are able to answer the question “Are you willing to be happy?” with a quiet but confident, “Yes”.
–Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Dance, pp 76-77
Are you willing to dance?
Helping clients deal with their wealth, natural questions arise as clients strive to fulfill goals such as purchasing a new home, building a hospital in Ghana, helping children with their education, funding a phase of life drawing on one’s wealth, and more…how to make this possible? The two wings of the bird – grace and self-effort. Thank you for reminding me how grace plays an important part of any endeavor and planning.
You ask a wonderful question – how to exert self-effort without ‘trying’ so hard resulting in expectations, frustration and…….all of which rob us of our wellbeing. A tool that works well for me is positive thinking and speaking in the context of gratitude/appreciation and self-honesty. Your question helped to remind me to practice what works. Thanks.
Thank you wise Katherine. Brilliant!