Advancing into the STOP sign

Alas, our aquisition of the Inn and Refuge in the mountains of Washington State is NOT happening.  Today was our last day to cancel our purchase and sale agreement.  That is what we chose to do.  It was the right thing to do.  I am breathing deeply.  There is much written about the inspiring victories; the times when the dream comes together, the fortune is made or the summit is achieved.

There is far less to fall into at these moments when we humans move forward with firm faith and conviction with every ounce of strength we can muster…to fall short.  The moment of loss, the moment of ending is fiercely potent. I know that every successful life has many, many times like these.  They are mysterious when we view them up close.  These Grace filled abrupt turns away from the direction we had expected to be moving are indeed confusing to the mind.  Only after years have progressed may we look back to see their intricate perfection.

I know that my compassion and humble surrender has increased exponentially.  I feel the quietness of looking ahead and seeing the empty space that has not yet taken shape into something new.  My gratitude has swelled for all the expert friends who were willing to listen, to nod and question time and again as I continue to expand and refine what I am here to offer.  There will be a day of joyous celebration and it is not this day.  The time has not yet come for us to say grace and toast each other at the New Year’s dinner overlooking the snow covered mountains. 

After Thanksgiving, we are taking a few days to go away to reflect, rejuvenate and assimilate all that has happened.  Retreat to Advance.  As I search for a place to do this, I realize how precious beautiful retreat sites are and how few of them fit my current purpose.  I guess the dream lives on.