Retreat into the Darkness

I’ve spent the last few weeks immersed in Debbie Ford’s new book.  Why Good People Do Bad Things-How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy.  Basically I’ve had to face the painful truth that I am a People Pleasing, Too Cool, Good Girl, who wants to be the Savior of the world, often acts like a Depressed Victim and tends toward being an Overachiever…selfish to the core. 

These are the masks that I have used unconsciously throughout my life to protect myself from the shame of my wounded ego.  These crappy masks have been lurking in the dark corners of my unconscious, quietly reeking all kinds of havoc in my life despite my spiritual progress.  While my masks protect me, they simultaneous have me experience myself as limited. 

These masks are my shadow.  I’ve been accepting them, tracing them back to the childhood wounds that created them and with the gentle flashlight of Self love the adult Jeaneen is healing those wounds.  It’s been intense and day by day, I’m feeling lighter.  I’ve been forgiving myself.  I’ve been applying the spiritual antidotes of vulnerability, generosity, humility, compassion, being of service, willingness and integrity.

Integrity is the one I love the most, because it trumps everything.  Debbie writes, “When we are living a life of integrity we don’t have to worry. When we’re being honest with ourselves and true to our values, we will admit it when we’re being greedy, guarded, intolerant, stubborn, self-absorbed, or deceitful and get the help we need.   Integrity leaves us a trail to follow when we’ve lost touch with our higher self.”  p202.

The adult Jeaneen that has emerged from the transformation of being in India, is quite busy, gently forgiving and loving all the parts that “Saint Jeaneen” had hidden away.  Whew.   Why am I doing this?  Because I can’t step into the greatness that I am truly capable of, the greatness of my authentic Self if I’m hiding behind a mask.  I must be willing to shine the flashlight of love and healing into my dark shadow, exposing the shame and fear.  Courageous yes…and oh my.  I’m feeling that this is EXACTLY what is needed for each of us to step into our full potential. 

0 thoughts on “Retreat into the Darkness”

  1. Saint Jeaneen — I love it! What a great name for your dark side. Thank you for recommending Debbie’s book — I’m eagerly flipping pages to get to the mask’s section and to find out how to make use of all this.
    Great blog!

  2. Hi,

    I wanted to let you know about an upcoming free tele-series in which I will be interviewing Debbie Ford. Below are the details for anyone interested:

    Please join me and my guests: Debbie Ford, Kurek Ashley, David Banner, and James Twyman in my upcoming free tele-series Becoming Who You Are. See below for information on how to register.

    Thursdays at 8pm EST
    Sept. 4 – Interview with Debbie Ford, author of Why Do Good People Do Bad Things?
    Sept. 18 – Interview with Kurek Ashley, author of How Would Love Respond?
    Oct. 9 – Interview with David Banner, author of Frameshifting: A Path To Wholeness.
    Oct. 16 – Interview with James Twyman, author of The Moses Code.

    Each call will be 60 minutes includng time for questions from participants.

    To register go to:


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